Friday, October 31, 2014

MORE Amazing Trick-or-Treat Ideas

You asked for it! Or maybe you didn't. You probably didn't. I just wanted to! More awesome trick-or-tricks, I mean trick-or-treats, to hand out to all the little mutants who come pounding on your door tonight! And if you missed the one I did last year, brush up on it before you continue!

Again, this probably goes without saying, but:

Warning: Do not actually attempt any of these in real life. If you do, be aware that results may vary, from mildly scarring a small child for life, to receiving multiple lawsuits from angry parents.

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Dog Biscuits - Open the door and ask the child if they've been a good little boy or girl. When they inevitably lie to your face and say yes, act thrilled. Exclaim, "Wonderful! You get a treat!" Pull a box of MilkBones off the table inside the door and drop one into their bag. Ruffle their hair, and rub both cheeks in your hands exclaiming "Whosa good boy! Whosa good girl!" adjusting the gender as necessary.

A Duck Wearing a Propeller Beanie - Open the door and let the duck waddle slowly outside to the child, propeller gently turning in the breeze. Leave the door open so that the child can hear you quietly weeping inside.

Coon-Skin Cap - Open the door and place the cap carefully on the child's head. Tell them, "I caught that there possum just this mornin'! He sher did put up a fight." Hold up a hand covered in ketchup that seems to be missing two fingers. When the child throws everything into the air and runs away screaming, lift the two hidden fingers back up and laugh evilly to yourself while you collect their candy.

Door Knob - Jerk open the door as hard as you can. Rip the knob out of your door, preferably splintering the wood around the whole knob, pulling the entire locking mechanism free. Yell, "Fetch, boy!" if it's a girl, "Fetch, girl!" if it's a boy, or "Fetch, thing!" if the child has no discernible gender; then throw it as far as you can. End the encounter by slamming the door and using a nail gun to violently nail the door shut from top to bottom.

Lemon Meringue Pie - Whip the door open as fast as you can, and >SPLAP< the entire pie in the child's face, knocking them off the porch into the shrubs. Slam the door and run out the back in order to escape the police.

Infant Baby - Walk slowly outside, completely disheveled, wearing old pajamas that have questionable green and yellow stains covering the front, with a tattered robe overtop that has fallen off one shoulder, holding a baby that is screaming at the top of it's lungs. Make sure you get a baby that has mastered the theatrical arts, so that when the infant sees the trick-or-treater, he, (Or she, you won't know until the first diaper change) will immediately stop crying, reach for the child calling, "MAMA! MAMA!" and leap into their arms. You then shriek, "THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM NOW, SUCKA!!!" and slam the door in their face, lock the deadbolt, close the curtains, and turn off all the lights, while you hide in the basement behind the water heater.

Balloons - Walk out, tears quietly streaming down your face, holding a handful of popped balloon shreds. Sadly say, "They're dead..." then sprinkle them into the child's bag of candy, turn around, and walk back into the house.

Macaroni & Salt -Walk outside with a box of your finest Barilla and a carton of your almost finest Morton, and pour all the macaroni and half the salt into the child's bag. Exclaim, "It's a do it yourself dinner tonight!" Then roll your eyes backwards, and start moaning and rambling incoherently, while turning in a counter-clockwise circle, pouring the remainder of the salt in a circle around you. Turn back to the child, and if they haven't run away in terror, smile and say, "There! That'll keep the Zompires away!"

Candy Corn - Give the child candy corn. Sit quietly while the child eggs your car, TP's your house, and tars and feathers your body. You deserve it for giving out candy corn.

Kool-Aid - Stand outside next to a very large potted plant. Wait until a child is within earshot, and loudly offer the plant some water while holding a comically over-sized watering can. Pretend the plant has accepted your offer, and then unscrew a bottle of Dasani out of an overhead light fixture, and stab it upside down into the dirt. Pretend to react to something the plant has said and hide the giant watering can behind your back and patronizingly explain to it that it is not allowed to have sugar. When the child steps up and says "Trick-Or-Treat," ask them if they would enjoy a fruity beverage. When they reply, pull out the watering can and sprinkle neon blue Kool-Aid over their head. Toss three ice cubes in their sack, and skip into the house, leaping into the air, clicking your heels together, and slamming the door behind you.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Iowa State Daily Articles

As most of you know, I am now a photographer for the Daily instead of a reporter. I've had a few photography assignments, which I will eventually post, but for now I figured it was about time I made an archive of the stories I wrote last semester. I really should have done this a long time ago, but better late than never, right?

My first story was about some design students who had competed in a nationwide contest, and had won.

My second story was about some more design students who flew to France to study fabric.

My third story was about the "Campanile Challenge" which brought awareness to homelessness on campus.

My fourth story was about four students who won a prestigious scholarship.

My fifth story was about a professor in the design school who won a service award.

My last story was about a fasion show that created gowns out of garbage.

I did have two other stories, but one was never published, as it was written at the same time as the VEISHA riot, and was understandably pushed back again and again, and eventually scrapped. The other story was for a magazine handed out on campus for new students and was never published online.

Anyway, as far as I know, these are the only stories I'll be writing for the paper. From now on it will just be photography, and I'll get those up eventually.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

More Music 2!

I've been so busy since school started I've kind of been neglecting my blog. And it will probably be that way for awhile. I've been saving videos on YouTube you make these posts, but I haven't taken the time to put a post together since before I went back to Ames.

For this post, I will be posting one video each from some of my favorite YouTube artists.

First up, the best group on the internet, Pentatonix, covering Ariana Grande's "Problem," which I have already shared here because I liked it so much. But, as much as I love Ariana Grande, I think Pentatonix' cover is even better.

Next up is the Gregory Brothers with an AMAZING cover of Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive." I grew up on bluegrass as that was almost all that my dad played in the house, and while I don't listen to it much now, when it's done this well, I'm obsessed. I LOVE the weird choice of turning "Radioactive" into a bluegrass song.

Next up in Lindsey Stirling with "Master of Tides."

She filmed that live, in ONE take, and no one there was expecting it. It was basically a flash-mob situation. These people certainly were in the right place at the right time!

Next is Rhett and Link with a video about going on vacation, and they released it while I was on vacation. I was briefly obsessed with this song, and I think I listened to it more than once every day while we were on vacation. Mild warning, if you strongly dislike either fake blood or zombies, don't watch it, as it has both.

Rhett and Link are masters at taking a strange concept and turning it into an extremely catchy song. And this is yet another example of someone doing zombies that I DON'T hate. Not many people can do that.

Next we have a YouTuber I've never featured by name before, Melodysheep. He was responsible for many of my previous posts though. He was behind all of PBS Digitals "PBS Remixed" videos. I never credited him there though, so I've gone back and at least tagged all those posts with a Melodysheep label. If you need a refresher on what else he's done, click the Melodysheep label at the bottom of this post and it will bring up all my past posts with videos by him.

Anyhow... This video is a tribute to the late, great Robin Williams. I had it on repeat for days after he posted it. I think I should just go ahead and buy the track.


Last but definitely not least is another video by Peter Hollens with an artist I had not heard of till this video, Malukah. This is so good. Definitely a new favorite.

And that's all for now. Hopefully it won't be too long before I get another blog post up.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Cookie Monstrous

So Cookie Monster did a thing. They seriously need to make a Sesame Street for grown-ups. Or at least one for families. Like the Muppet Show, but with the Sesame Street Muppets.

The outtakes are even better than the main video.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

True Facts! 17!

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Did you know that Porcupines taste exactly like Pork AND Pines? The man who discovered this will always be remembered as a tragic hero. #TrueFact

Did you know that the Scottish Sasquatch is the only known primate to voluntarily wear clothing? He loves the feel of the wind under his kilt. #TrueFact

Did you know that Grey Flavored Diet Doctor Ticklez is the second most disgusting flavor of soda on earth? The MOST disgusting is Brown Flavor. #TrueFact

Did you know that cats do not particularly care about cleanliness? The only reason they lick themselves is because they taste delicious. #TrueFact

Did you know that "Ultimate Biscuits" was the least popular Extreme Cooking competition ever to air on the History Channel? It's only demographic was elderly women ages 75 to 97. #TrueFact

Did you know that the most popular tourist destination in Davenport, Iowa is a huge pile of wild ants? #TrueFact

Did you know that the bearded mime, is the only species to have never been domesticated? The closest anyone ever came was getting them to wear loincloths, and thank goodness for that! #TrueFact

Did you know that babies were not always delivered by storks? In the olden days, people actually had to set up baby traps out in the woods to catch their own! #TrueFact

Did you know that the world famous dish, Potatoes O'Brian, was named for its creator? Sadly, Mr. O'Brian died a bitter old man, never fully able to forgive his parents for naming him Potatoes. #TrueFact

Did you know that Cat Woman's grandmother is also a criminal? And unlike Cat Woman, she actually has legit super powers. She doesn't have super strength, or super vision, actually, she can barely see and she  needs a walker just to get around. No, Cat Woman's grandmother can telepathically control an army of cats, and her name is CatLady Woman. CatLady Woman uses her cats to rob yarn shops, hijack the senior bus, and cheat at bingo. Most of her cats are just "Muscle," but she has five who are her right hand cats, who actually help plan her evil schemes. Their names are Professor Stuffkins, Muffy, Lil' Sweetie LovinPie, Honey BooBoo, and Lord MurderDeath. The other cats think that Lord MurderDeath is a bit soft, ever since he let a two-years-old baby get away with pulling his tail, but he's CatLady Woman's favorite, so they have no choice but to tolerate him. #TrueFact

Saturday, July 19, 2014

More Music!

I've decided that these music video posts will be called More Music. Until I don't like that name anymore. The name change was a split second decision like 2 seconds ago. Sometimes I can be fickle.

Behold the worst Owl City music video ever. That's not to say it's bad. As it is an Owl City song, there is no way that it could ever be bad by default. That's just impossible. But it can be not as good as any other Owl City music video. And it is. It is not as good as any other Owl City music video ever.

I love the song, I just don't like the video. Literally the only part that I liked was the female wolves dancing. And the music. I love the music. Also, if there were any illuminati symbols mixed into those flashing pictures, I'd love that too. I love it when people do that kind of thing. Freak out the paranoid conspiracy theorists watching. If I ever make anything like that, I'll cram it full of so many symbols it'll be flagged by all manner of tin-foil hat society.

Anywho... Now that we've had one not-so-good Owl City video, here's an AWESOME one to make up for it.
BEHOLD: Owl City and Lindsey Stirling! My universes have collided, and it is a Beautiful Time!

It has such a great "Fireflies" vibe. I love this so much!

Next, Pentatonix. I want to call them amazing, but that word doesn't seem to be quite enough.

I love everything about this video. The singing/music, the lighting, the makeup and costumes, this video is halfway to perfection.

The song in this next video has quickly become one of my favorite songs. It is by the incomparable ShmoYoHo, aka the Gregory Brothers. I would suggest watching just the first three minutes of it though. After three minutes, the song is over, and it get's weird and awkward, and not it a funny way. And this is coming for someone who loved weird situations.

It could have been funny, but it was like... Not. I know you'll watch it anyway, because no one ever obeys warnings to not watch something, but at the very end you'll be like, "Why didn't I listen? I feel like I need to scrub the icky off myself with a baby wipe."

Rhett and Link recently came out with an awesome new song. I bought this for my iPod, and I have listened to it to death.

I have had, and sometimes still have, occasional OCD-like symptoms, so I felt most of this video. At least until it got ridiculous.

Here's another song from Kina Granis' new album.

This is my favorite song on the album. I love it.

Next is a song by a new band called The Madden Brothers. I had never heard of them, (Because they haven't even released one album yet) but they were featured on an episode of YouTube Nation, and I went to check them out. This is the only song on their channel so far, but I loved it, and if it is any indication of things to come, I'll be a big fan.

Once the choir came in I was done. Subscribed immediately.

Last, we have, for the first time in AGES, a new OK Go video. Bathe your eyes in the glory.

They have a new album coming out this fall, and I can't wait!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

True Facts! 16!

Well, I've decided that it's time my blog joined the twitter generation. My signature "True fact!" will now be replaced with a hashtag, as I've already started doing on social media. I haven't decided if I should hate myself for this yet.

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Did you know that popcorn was the result of a scientific experiment which cross-bred Corn with Dynamite.  Mrs. Corn was very unhappy with this arranged marriage. #TrueFact

Did you know that Teddy Bears are the only known invertebrate mammal? #TrueFact

Did you know that Cheeze Puffs are the dried cocoons of the majestic Evening Cheddar Moth? #TrueFact

Did you know that in some parts of the world, Avocados are known as Toad Apples? #TrueFact

Did you know that trees are actually Giant Broccoli? People always say broccoli are tiny trees, but those people are liars! #TrueFact

Did you know that Pie Filling and Jam are harvested from illegally slaughtered donuts? #TrueFact

Did you know that Cabbage Patch Dolls actually grew out of a pumpkin patch? The scandal has been kept under wraps for years by Hasbro, Mattel, and various other co-conspiring companies. #TrueFact

Did you know that paper towels evolved from toilet paper? #TrueFact

Did you know that kangaroos are the largest gliding mammal in Australia? They leap high into the air with their powerful hind legs and spread their wing flaps to glide on the air currents. #TrueFact

Did you know that lake monster legends, such as Nessie and Champ, are all based on misidentified sightings of snorkeling elephants? #TrueFact

Did you know that the giant, prehensile-tailed gorilla is both the world's largest ape, and the world's largest monkey? #TrueFact

Did you know that corn on the cob is the largest species of caterpillar in North America? #TrueFact

Did you know that the wolf spider is the only mammalian arachnid known to man? #TrueFact

Did you know that Rhesus Monkeys love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? This is because they think that the candy was named after them. Rhesus Monkeys are not very good at spelling at all. #TrueFact

Did you know that the Slinky is the only living creature comprised entirely of metal? #TrueFact

Did you know that the term "Alien" came to be due to bad penmanship? The first alien to visit earth could only speak in musical notes, so he wrote his name on a piece of paper. His name was Allen. And he had horrible handwriting. #TrueFact

Did you know that tornadoes are giant mutant Tasmanian Devils? #TrueFact

Did you know that M&Ms were originally invented to be used as medicine? Chocolate is the ultimate health food! #TrueFact

Did you know that kiwi fruits are giant hairy grapes? #TrueFact

Did you know that in 1985, some moody teenagers adopted an orca as their spirit animal? They said that the creature was the only one that understood them. They called it the goth whale, and tried to pierce its nose. Well, whales don't have noses so that didn't work out too well. They're lucky the whale eventually spit them out. #TrueFact